It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
