Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
