Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
