My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
