Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
