I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Holy shit dude........stairs
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