Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
