seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
