so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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