dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
