i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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