To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Randomize
