My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
