Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
