I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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