Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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