Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
