I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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