I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
