the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
