Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
