I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
