I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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