Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
