my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My cat gives me a boner
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
