Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
