when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
