I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
