I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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