It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
