im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
