just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
