I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
