Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
