Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
