things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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