He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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