I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
