Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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