If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
