the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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