Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
