Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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