Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
