Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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