I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
