I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I checked into jail on foursquare
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
