**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
