i don't like sucking hair
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
