the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
