she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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